


The Forbidden Fruit

by lemonbitch



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Memes, No Real Effort Went Into This, Tide Pods, the forbidden fruit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 15:45:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13438023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonbitch/pseuds/lemonbitch
Summary: Steven can't even do the damn laundry without Jasper trying to assert dominance.





	The Forbidden Fruit

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this beautiful gem: https://www.instagram.com/p/BeHUQYYlAtp/  
> Don't eat the tide pods guys.

Steven and Amethyst were on the large hand of the Crystal Temple with Jasper. Today is laundry day for Steven so they're teaching Jasper how to properly care for human clothes. Steven had brought up a huge basket of dirty laundry along with a box of Tide Pods. He smiled at Jasper and started to load the identical pieces of clothing into the machine.

"Okay Jasper, now take a handful of clothes and put them into the machine, like this!" Steven said as he put another small handful of clothes into the washing machine. Jasper took Steven's advice a step further by shoving the rest of the dirty laundry into the machine, which made Steven laugh. "Or you can just do it like that. That's fine too."

Amethyst noticed the pack of Tide Pods that Steven had placed next to the laundry basket and picked it up to examine this new item.

"Hey Steven, what's this?"  
"Oh, those are Tide Pods. Dad said he trusts me enough to handle them now. Here, let me show you how they work. It's easier than using the powder detergent."

Steven opened up the round orange box containing the pods and took one out before placing the box back on the floor, showing the colourful pod to Amethyst. She went starry-eyed at the sight of the Tide Pod. A pillow-shaped pouch of vanilla milk with juicy drizzles of orange-flavoured and grape-flavoured gels. Another delicious human food?

The human turned his back to Amethyst and the opened Tide packet to gently place the pod in the machine before closing it's door. He gave Jasper a quick tutorial on how the machine's dials worked and smiled when Jasper managed to successfully start the thing. When he turned back around, however, he was met with a sight that shocked him. Amethyst was sat on the ground, orange box in one hand and a Tide Pod in the other, looking at the beautiful snack hungrily before chucking it into her mouth.

"Amethyst no!" he shouted,  
"What? I thought you were supposed to eat them. Why else would they look so tasty?" she replied, popping another one in her mouth and chewing on the detergent pods,  
"They're poisonous. People have actually died from eating those!"  
"Yeah well maybe humans have died, but I'm a _gem_ , Steven. I think I can handle the 'forbidden fruit'."

Amethyst smirked and placed another Tide Pod in her mouth, knowing that she had won this argument. Gems could eat pretty much anything, but Steven's human DNA prevented him from being able to enjoy this delicious clean snack.

The Warp Pad lit up as Pearl and Connie returned from sword practise. They weren't too pleased to see that Amethyst was eating _poison_ in front of Steven, setting a terrible example as usual. Pearl was the first to tell her off.

"Amethyst! Don't eat those! You're setting a terrible example for both Steven and Connie!" Pearl shouted, to which Amethyst just shrugged.  
"Hey we're not stupid enough to eat Tide Pods. They'd kill us." Connie said.

The perfect Beta quartz took this as another opportunity to assert dominance over the pathetic humans. Jasper took a handful of the Tide Pods from the box Amethyst was holding, about ten in total. She put one in her mouth and quickly ate it, grinning as she swallowed. This was met with a disapproving glare from Pearl and the humans.

"You can't eat Tide Pods, Jasper, they're bad for you!" Connie cried,  
"Foolish humans," Jasper chuckled, placing another one in her mouth, "your bodies cannot withstand the _cronch_ of the Tide Pods. Only _I_ , the God of the Pods, can eat the _Forbidden Fruit_."

She shoved the rest of the handful in her mouth, Tide Pod juices dribbling down to her chin as she chewed on the Forbidden Snack. Jasper put both her middle fingers up to the weaklings that doubted her ability to eat the Tide Pods. This was met with a salty frown from Pearl and a disturbed look from the humans. Amethyst cackled and threw another Tide Pod at Jasper, which she caught in her mouth, still rudely gesturing at the others.

She truly was the God of the Pods.


End file.
